Shut the fuck up. I hate you.

You're not smart, you're not good-looking, and no one cares what you think. So stop writing about local politics, cooking, your crap paintings or your pets on your blog. It's obvious that no one likes you. The only thing blogs are good for is humour, so stop using words like "amorphous" and "cognitive", because I'm not completely sure what they mean and I'm way too cool and lazy to find out. You're never going to lose that extra 50 lbs, get married or get rich. Stop picking your nose while stopped at a red light and make me honk my horn to wake you out of your stupor. Stop wearing spandex capri pants three sizes too small, with your big buddha belly hanging out the top and your cottage cheese thighs and force me to look at your camel toe. Stop riding your 1984 Dodge Shadow with shit music blaring out the windows. Stop calling me "dude", "bro", "sis" or any other African American ebonics-dialect words. And for fuck's sake, don't let me catch you picking your underwear out of your ass, scratching your balls or "rearranging" them in public.