ebay IS THE DEVIL'S WORK!

Okay everyone, I gave in and tried to buy something on ebay. On my dad's account, of course. I wasn't about to enter ANY personal information that could have them (the enemy) track me.
I need a new pair of boots, seeing how my fucked up right foot doesn't fit into any of my HUNDREDS of pairs of shoes, much less my boots. I have an old pair of Kenneth Cole patent leather mid-calf boots that I absolutely love, but since my ankle is now permanently swollen to the size of an orange, I can't even cram my foot in there. And I tried. Hard.

So I entered the domain and did a search for "Kenneth Cole mid-calf boots". HALLELUJAH! The exact same pair of boots (only in regular leather) was up for bid! In a size 8! (for the record, I'm normally a size 6 1/2, but with the swollen foot...) I had to call my brother in Switzerland right away, 'cause being an ebay virgin, I wasn't quite sure what I had to do next. He placed a bid for me ($27. Yeah, I know, I'm cheap) then asked me what my maximum bid was going to be: $50. The auction was over in 16 hours, and as soon as we placed my first bid, I was the current winner. I didn't check on it again until the last hour and ANOTHER COCKSUCKING BIDDER WAS OUTBIDDING ME!!!!
She (I'm only assuming the bitch was a she) had bid $52 and forced me to bid $53....and then IT WAS ON!!
For the next hour, we outbid each other $1 at a time, until finally, with 36 seconds left on the auction, MY FUCKING COMPUTER LOCKS UP ON ME! I had just bid $72, the bitch bid $73. And won.

It took me a good 15 minutes to calm down and stop myself from picking up my IMac and tossing it on the ground.
Then I realized the enemy was not my lovely, beautiful, sleek computer, but that it was THAT MOTHERFUCKING DEVIL INCARNATE BITCH WHORE ebay!!

I'm never going back on again. Unless I see another pair of Kenneth Cole mid-calf boots.