Deep in the pit of depression
Don't say it. I know. It's been over a month since I last posted something. Give me a fucking break.
1. Thanksgiving preparations took up a lot of my time, what with David's family here driving me absolutely nucking futs and the little guy so damn excited about SANTA COMING SOON, I was seriously debating hibernating or at least going into a temporary vegetative state coma to avoid the next 4 weeks.
2. I passed not one, but two kidney stones the size of a pencil eraser. Alone. In bed. While David was at work and Devyn was jumping up and down on the bed wondering why Mommy was not playing with him. All this without any pain killers. The doctor had asked me if I wanted him to prescribe some Percocet or Valium, but I am such a hard-ass and a firm believer in 'natural' remedies, I refused. I am a fucking idiot. The pain is indescribable: imagine giving birth and your vagina is refusing to open. For you guys, imagine a really long Q-Tip shoved really hard into your pee-pee hole. Now multiply the pain times 20.
3. The weather in Colorado sucks in a million different ways. We've had 3 major snowstorms in the last three weeks, one each week, always starts on a Thursday and snows straight through Sunday, so our weekends are pretty much fucked. While all of Europe and the rest of the USA is experiencing unusually warm weather, we are literally stuck in over 3 feet of snow, with snow drifts up to 12 feet high. I'm totally serious. I'll put up pictures to prove it. The temperature fluctuates between a high of 20 degrees (about -9 Celsius) to a low of -14 (about - fucking-freezing-your-balls-to-your-thighs-Celsius)
I've shoveled so much snow in the past three weeks, I have blisters on my hands and my lips are permanently cracked and bleeding. I think we should do nuclear tests in Colorado instead of Nevada and just blow up this shit state.
...and what do you know, we're supposed to get another snowstorm tonight, through Sunday. Just a couple of inches, they say. Yeah, right, I've heard that before. "I'll just put the tip in, I swear!" Yeah, then they shove in a good 6 or 7 inches.
Oh, sorry, we were talking about snow. So they say we'll get a sprinkling, but last time they said that, we got 36 inches in 9 hours, so shut the fuck up.
4. I had another birthday. I'm now 37 years old. Three years away from 40. What the fuck happened? I swear I just got out of high school a couple of years ago. Then there's those glorious 4 years of college that I so dearly miss. The best years of my life by far. LARA, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH! Whoaaaaa, where did that come from? I know, I know, I am so lucky I have a great husband, an amazing kid I love more than life itself, but this place is bringing me down!!! I hate it here! I hate being away from my friends and family, I hate living in this shit town and state and I'm beginning to think I really need to either go back to work soon if we don't move somewhere else. And I really don't want to do that, because I want to be there for Devyn as long as I can. He starts preschool on January 22nd, three days a week, from 8 to noon. It will give me a chance to take care of myself a bit, maybe finally finish my book, take up a hobby, start taking care of my body. At the same time, I can't stand the thought of being away from him for more than five minutes.
So 2007 is here and I wonder, what could possibly happen this year to make me come out of this funk? I'll need your support now more than ever, so please, be kind and rewind. No, I mean, be kind and be patient with me. I might get off topic once in a while, but I'm still the same bitch I was, just a year older.
More rants soon.
1. Thanksgiving preparations took up a lot of my time, what with David's family here driving me absolutely nucking futs and the little guy so damn excited about SANTA COMING SOON, I was seriously debating hibernating or at least going into a temporary vegetative state coma to avoid the next 4 weeks.
2. I passed not one, but two kidney stones the size of a pencil eraser. Alone. In bed. While David was at work and Devyn was jumping up and down on the bed wondering why Mommy was not playing with him. All this without any pain killers. The doctor had asked me if I wanted him to prescribe some Percocet or Valium, but I am such a hard-ass and a firm believer in 'natural' remedies, I refused. I am a fucking idiot. The pain is indescribable: imagine giving birth and your vagina is refusing to open. For you guys, imagine a really long Q-Tip shoved really hard into your pee-pee hole. Now multiply the pain times 20.
3. The weather in Colorado sucks in a million different ways. We've had 3 major snowstorms in the last three weeks, one each week, always starts on a Thursday and snows straight through Sunday, so our weekends are pretty much fucked. While all of Europe and the rest of the USA is experiencing unusually warm weather, we are literally stuck in over 3 feet of snow, with snow drifts up to 12 feet high. I'm totally serious. I'll put up pictures to prove it. The temperature fluctuates between a high of 20 degrees (about -9 Celsius) to a low of -14 (about - fucking-freezing-your-balls-to-your-thighs-Celsius)
I've shoveled so much snow in the past three weeks, I have blisters on my hands and my lips are permanently cracked and bleeding. I think we should do nuclear tests in Colorado instead of Nevada and just blow up this shit state.
...and what do you know, we're supposed to get another snowstorm tonight, through Sunday. Just a couple of inches, they say. Yeah, right, I've heard that before. "I'll just put the tip in, I swear!" Yeah, then they shove in a good 6 or 7 inches.
Oh, sorry, we were talking about snow. So they say we'll get a sprinkling, but last time they said that, we got 36 inches in 9 hours, so shut the fuck up.
4. I had another birthday. I'm now 37 years old. Three years away from 40. What the fuck happened? I swear I just got out of high school a couple of years ago. Then there's those glorious 4 years of college that I so dearly miss. The best years of my life by far. LARA, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH! Whoaaaaa, where did that come from? I know, I know, I am so lucky I have a great husband, an amazing kid I love more than life itself, but this place is bringing me down!!! I hate it here! I hate being away from my friends and family, I hate living in this shit town and state and I'm beginning to think I really need to either go back to work soon if we don't move somewhere else. And I really don't want to do that, because I want to be there for Devyn as long as I can. He starts preschool on January 22nd, three days a week, from 8 to noon. It will give me a chance to take care of myself a bit, maybe finally finish my book, take up a hobby, start taking care of my body. At the same time, I can't stand the thought of being away from him for more than five minutes.
So 2007 is here and I wonder, what could possibly happen this year to make me come out of this funk? I'll need your support now more than ever, so please, be kind and rewind. No, I mean, be kind and be patient with me. I might get off topic once in a while, but I'm still the same bitch I was, just a year older.
More rants soon.
posted by Lara at 9:58 AM
4 Comments:
dans ton cas, franchement, pour te sortir de toute cette merde, je ne vois que le suicide.
Je te remercie, ta confiance me fait venir les larmes aux yeux. C'est vraiment tres gentil, tes douces paroles de merde. Mais desolee, je ne te donnerais pas la satisfaction du suicide.
hey! c'est toi qui ma commandé des "killer comments"!
et comme ça me vient tout seul ce genre de choses... pas parce que c'est toi, hein...
bon sérieusement, porte-toi bien.
il paraît que les femmes n'ont pas besoin de conseils, elles ont juste besoin qu'on les comprenne.
alors oui, je comprends ta douleur, et je ne donne aucun conseil, j'en serais bien incapable.
la seule chose que je peux te dire, c'est que je pense à toi, et que je souhaite que tu te portes bien.
Merci mon cher. Je me sens deja beaucoup mieux. C'etait vraiment une depression furtive... L'envie de cogner revient vite...
As far as you are concerned, my dear brother, there is no need for you to reiterate the fact that you will NEVER grow up... You still act like you're in college! I'm telling Mom!
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