Ladies and Gentlemen....Meet Rosy Palmer.
Sex is everywhere. You can't turn your head anywhere without being bombarded with pure, unadulterated sexual innuendos.
How do you guys even function properly? The temptation must be overwhelming. Gone are the days when you used to look in the mailbox for your mommy's Sears catalog, just so you could look at the lingerie ad and mentally imagine just exactly what was under those big, bulky grandma undies.
I just watched TV for the last 20 minutes, and mind you, it's day time, not even primetime TV and my eyes are burning from all the sex. I mean, really, how do you guys do it?????
"Look, the View is on! Gonna rub one out to Barbara Walters."
"An ad for Vagisil. Gotta rub one out just 'cause it includes the word "vagi"."
"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine...Yeah, I'd like to "deep space nine" her hole! Gotta rub one out."
"E! True Hollywood Story on Tori Spelling. She looks a little down-syndromy with her big bug eyes, but what the hell, I'll rub one out."
"Essence of Emeril. I'll rub one out, just because. And I kinda like he uses "essence" in the title."
"Shit, Sports Center is on ESPN in 5 minutes. Do I have time for one more? Hell yes."
I had a friend that liked to masturbate to cooking shows. Somehow, it really turned him on when the chef talked about "pounding and tenderizing the meat." I also had another friend who used to let his right hand fall asleep, so that when he masturbated, it felt like it was someone else's hand.
How can us wives or girlfriends compete with that??? We come home from work or school, after you've already been home for a couple of hours and find you completely spent.
"Hey honey, wanna go upstairs and mess around??" "Nah, I'm tired and I really have a headache. Besides, "Spanking the Monkey" is on in a few minutes, and I really don't want to miss it."
How do you guys even function properly? The temptation must be overwhelming. Gone are the days when you used to look in the mailbox for your mommy's Sears catalog, just so you could look at the lingerie ad and mentally imagine just exactly what was under those big, bulky grandma undies.
I just watched TV for the last 20 minutes, and mind you, it's day time, not even primetime TV and my eyes are burning from all the sex. I mean, really, how do you guys do it?????
"Look, the View is on! Gonna rub one out to Barbara Walters."
"An ad for Vagisil. Gotta rub one out just 'cause it includes the word "vagi"."
"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine...Yeah, I'd like to "deep space nine" her hole! Gotta rub one out."
"E! True Hollywood Story on Tori Spelling. She looks a little down-syndromy with her big bug eyes, but what the hell, I'll rub one out."
"Essence of Emeril. I'll rub one out, just because. And I kinda like he uses "essence" in the title."
"Shit, Sports Center is on ESPN in 5 minutes. Do I have time for one more? Hell yes."
I had a friend that liked to masturbate to cooking shows. Somehow, it really turned him on when the chef talked about "pounding and tenderizing the meat." I also had another friend who used to let his right hand fall asleep, so that when he masturbated, it felt like it was someone else's hand.
How can us wives or girlfriends compete with that??? We come home from work or school, after you've already been home for a couple of hours and find you completely spent.
"Hey honey, wanna go upstairs and mess around??" "Nah, I'm tired and I really have a headache. Besides, "Spanking the Monkey" is on in a few minutes, and I really don't want to miss it."
posted by Lara at 11:58 AM
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