Beer vs. Vagina faces off against Shoes vs. Cock

Alan, you ignorant slut. How can you send me such an e-mail and not expect a long diatribe in return?
Let's examine the facts.
Here is your point of view:

BEER vs. VAGINA

1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work. ONE POINT BEER
2. Warm beer tastes awful. ONE POINT VAGINA
3. A really cold beer is satisfying. ONE POINT BEER
4. If after taking a swig of your favorite beer, you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. ONE POINT VAGINA
5. If you get home reeking of beer, your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina, your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. DRAW
6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don't want to drive anywhere.
ONE POINT VAGINA
7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend.
ONE POINT VAGINA
8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer, you may get arrested. If you smell of vagina, he may buy you a beer.
ONE POINT VAGINA
9. You normally don't find old beer. ONE POINT BEER
10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much vagina and you'll think you've seen God.
ONE POINT VAGINA
11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is fun. ONE POINT VAGINA
12. In most countries, there's a tax on beer. ONE POINT VAGINA
13. If you have another beer, the first one never gets pissed off. ONE POINT TO BEER
14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or a can. ONE POINT TO BEER
15. If you shake beer, it'll get all agitated but eventually settle down. ONE POINT BEER
16. With beer you always have a choice: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, etc. ONE POINT BEER
17. You always know how much beer is going to cost. ONE POINT BEER
18. Beer doesn't have a mother. ONE POINT BEER
19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you drink it. ONE POINT TO BEER

FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10 VAGINA: 8

Now here's my counterpoint:

SHOES vs. COCK

1. A woman can have 100 pairs of shoes and be considered a fashionista. If she's had 100 cocks, she's considered a whore.
ONE POINT SHOES
2. The leather of a shoe stays nice and smooth even after years of wear and tear. An old cock is shriveled and wrinkly.
ONE POINT SHOES
3. You're forced to buy different pairs of shoes to remain fashionable. A cock is always in fashion. ONE POINT COCK
4. Shoes a size too small hurt your feet. Small cocks never hurt your vagina, but might hurt his pride. ONE POINT COCK
5. Shoes that are too large hurt your feet too, and you wake up the next morning barely able to walk. A large cock can have the same effect, but it's a good thing. ONE POINT COCK
6. When there's nothing on television and you're bored, putting on a pair of shoes does not entertain you. ONE POINT COCK
7. You can brag to your friends about how much you spent on shoes. Paying for cock makes you desperate. ONE POINT SHOES
8. If a heel brakes off your shoe, you can't stroke it back to hardness. ONE POINT COCK
9. Polished shoes show you have pride in your appearance. Polished cock and balls show you're gay. ONE POINT SHOES
10. Cleaning your shoes before you wear them is one thing, if you have to clean the cock before you can use it, it's gross.
ONE POINT SHOES
11. Old shoes can get new soles, but old cock is just old cock. ONE POINT SHOES
12. You can put shoes in a box and store them away, but you can't put a cock in a box (unless you're Justin Timberlake)
ONE POINT SHOES

FINAL SCORE: SHOES: 7 COCK: 5

'Fo shizzle my nizzle! Watcha gotta say fo' yo'self now, beeeyoootch? Bling Bling MOFO!