Paging Dr. Patch Adams, Stat!!

I've been in and out of hospitals and doctors offices a lot in the last few years, so I decided to test a theory of mine.

(Right after I had surgery removing 10 inches of my intestine. Had to have daily rectal exams while in the hospital for two weeks.)

ME: (right after doctor inserts his finger) "What, not even a little foreplay?"

DOCTOR: .............(awkward silence)


(2nd attempt)

ME: "So what do you think doc, am I a couple of quarts low?"

DOCTOR: ..............(even more awkward silence)


(At my gynecologist office, with my legs on the stirrups and speculum inserted)

ME: "While you're in there, would you mind looking for my keys? I lost them a couple of days ago."

DOCTOR: ............(blank stare)


(Right after a breast exam and a mammogram)

ME: "So...was it as good for you as it was for me?"

DOCTOR: ............(slight reddening of ears, but complete silence)

ROBIN WILLIAMS IS A FUCKING LIAR!!
Doctors have NO fucking sense of humor!