There's Nothing Worse Than People

You know what society is evolving into? One where people can't be alone with their thoughts for more than two minutes and one where people are just, well, I don't know, pissing me off like there's a crab in my pants and I can't get him to stop pinching my labia.

I'm tired. I'm cranky. Crabby, even, no pun intended. I've been coming across a lot of human beings that make me want to buy a high-powered rifle and go on a killing spree. Too soon? Of course not. Besides, the video before my rampage will be a hell of a lot more interesting and coherent than what that crazy Asian mofo left. It will, however, include awesome shots of me in my tankini holding a couple of bazooka's and sporting a wicked ass grin.

The following people need to be either kicked in the penis or punched in the vagina.

CELL PHONE PEOPLE

"Hey! I know what I need to do today! Walk to the store that is five minutes away! Better bring my cell phone so I can call someone! I'd hate to walk five minutes in silence! I've had my TV on to distract me all day and the last thing I can do is go without some sort of stimulation for 5 minutes! I bet my friend on the other end won't be the least bit bored by my talking about nothing for 5 minutes! I'm going to get milk! Talk to me! I can't be alone!"

What is so fucking hard about just walking somewhere, anywhere, without having to gab on the fucking phone? Are you that afraid of being alone for 5 minutes? You can't just walk, look around at the scenery, go buy your yeast infection medicine or dick cheese pills and go home? Do I really need to hear how you got laid last night, how small the guy's penis was, that your pussy itches, or that your mommy got you a cool present for your birthday? FUCK YOU!
Fuck you twice if instead of talking right into the phone, you have a little earpiece. How the fuck am I supposed to know if you are talking to me or your loser friend?
I actually got into an argument with a dumb bitch in a public restroom. She kept saying "why are you doing that?" and by the 3rd time I asked her what she was talking about. She answered me: "Do you mind?? I'm talking on the phone in here and I can't hear anything with your yakking in the background!" DIE, YOU FUCKING WHORE!! I hope your cell phone gives you a huge brain tumor which causes you to shit uncontrollably. Which is what you should be doing on the fucking toilet.

This also applies to you fucknuts in your cars. Is the call really so fucking important that it can't wait 'till you get home? Or before you get in the car? Do you people not have radios or cd's to keep you entertained and stimulated for the short car ride? If you must have something in your hand, why don't you try masturbating.

I-POD PEOPLE

These people piss me off more than any other. "I listen to it while I'm on the train." "I like to listen to it while I walk to work." "I listen to it as to avoid any and all contact with other human beings at all costs."

Anyone else notice that as our technology gets better, it results in less and less reason to have contact with other humans? Which I guess means I should get an i-Pod because people have been pissing me off to no end lately. But then I'd become one of those people I hate, and that would be ironic, then I'd have to download "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette, which is not really ironic at all, and then I'd be hopping and bopping and skatting about town, singing Alanis out loud, and that would result in me getting punched in the face and I'd like to avoid that.
What was my point? Oh yeah. I believe that people just can't be alone with their thoughts. Ever. People would rather be distracted by something that have to think about how sad their life has become, a series of trips to the doctor to find out why their vaginas leak or their balls itch. It used to be TV was the big distraction. Then the internet. Then cell phones. Then the i-Pod.
I'm convinced that in about 100 years, humans won't even function with other humans. They will just lay in a bed in a white room where they will be drugged up with an i-Pod working in one ear, a Bluetooth in the other, a masturbation machine locked on their genitals, a flat screen TV on the ceiling and streaming video on a computer of a guy getting hit in the balls by a baseball bat on a continuous loop.
I'm just saying. Try going 10 minutes without your cell phone, i-Pod, computer or TV. Go to the park, sit down and just think. It's actually quite fun. That is, if you're not a complete fucking retard.