I Can Hear My Brain Rattle In My Head

1. Saw a girl named "Jennipher" on Jeopardy! last night, wanted to punch her parents in the phace.

2. Want to know what Victoria's Secret really is? It's that Victoria is a fucking idiot. Her new line of clothing is called "Pink", but that doesn't mean the clothes are pink. I saw a girl in blue sweatpants at Home Depot today, and they had PINK written on the ass in large white letters. Maybe she was describing her vagina? I don't know. The point is, I'm starting my own brand of T-shirts. They will come in many colors, but the back of the shirt will feature PANTS written in big black letters.

3. When it comes to sexual metaphors pertaining to the male genitalia, we Italians really have it the best. "Hey, check out my Italian sausage!" So lucky. The French have it pretty good too, I suppose. "Hey, check out my baguette!" But the Irish, they've got nothing. After many long hours of thinking, all I could come up with is "Hey, suck on my Guinness! And while you're down there, juggle my potatoes!" See, not cool at all.

Later, MoFo's.