When monkeys fly out of my butt

There I was, washing my hair, and as usual, whether I'm on the crapper or in the shower, I need to entertain myself and read something, in this case the shampoo bottle. "This product is not tested on animals". It got me thinking. Why DO they test products on animals? Wouldn't it be better to test them on people? What's the monkey gonna say: "Nah, this shampoo could smell better and make my hair shinier..."
How many times do you need to test the shampoo on the monkey? I figure, once. You wash the monkey's head with shampoo, you rinse the monkeys head, you smell it. If it smells like strawberry/mango versus smelling like monkey ass, you've got a successful product. If not, you got to start all over again. Mix some more bubbly crap with some unnamed fruit, wash the monkeys head, rinse the monkeys head and smell. No lingering aroma of poo? You've got yourself some Herbal Essences. Why would you need to rub the shampoo in their eyes? Do they like it? Shit no, they're probably screaming while you do it. So it should be pretty simple. Washing monkey's head makes monkey happy, putting shampoo in monkey's eye makes monkey mad.

I'm such an innovator. I've pretty much eliminated the need for animal testing.