Totally useless and pointless questions and rants
1. How did Paris Hilton get a recording contract? Don't you need talent? I just saw the video for "Stars are Blind." What an absolute pile of fresh cow dung. I've heard throat cancer patients sing better. Is she illiterate(if she even wrote the song)? I'm not even sure if she's talking about stars in the astrological sense, or about actual blind stars, like Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder. If she can get a contract, then maybe I can too. I'm currently working on my first single "Fish Have No Feet." It's going to be on my "Stating the Fucking Obvious" CD.
2. I was looking at "weird news" on the net and came across a story about a morbidly obese woman who went to the hospital for pain and gave birth to a kid, even though she didn't know she was pregnant. How can you get to the point where you are so fat that you don't notice you're knocked up? Shouldn't you notice the added weight of an entire human being centered around your middle section? I've eaten whole babies before. You can tell when one is inside you. They put up quite a fight.
3. Couple of things that really get on my nerves:
People who, when you tell them a joke or make an amusing comment, say "That's so funny!" If it's so funny, then laugh, dickhead! Wouldn't it be quicker and easier to laugh than to say "that's so funny" with a straight face? These people deserve their own corner in hell, where the devil would spend hours rubbing hot chili peppers on the sensitive skin between their assholes and private parts.
Have you ever been with someone, seen something a little unusual and they had the audacity to say "Now I've seen everything." You fucking moron! I bet I can think of thousands of things you haven't seen. Have you seen a banana eat a monkey? Have you seen a human with the genitalia of an ant? Have you seen my foot kick you so hard in the balls that your mother feels it in her ovaries? I didn't think so...
4. Can deaf people be diagnosed with schizophrenia? I was wondering if deaf people can "hear" voices in their heads or if they can only picture a person signing in their head.
Ahhhhhh... Now I feel a little better. Just needed to get a few things off my chest.
2. I was looking at "weird news" on the net and came across a story about a morbidly obese woman who went to the hospital for pain and gave birth to a kid, even though she didn't know she was pregnant. How can you get to the point where you are so fat that you don't notice you're knocked up? Shouldn't you notice the added weight of an entire human being centered around your middle section? I've eaten whole babies before. You can tell when one is inside you. They put up quite a fight.
3. Couple of things that really get on my nerves:
People who, when you tell them a joke or make an amusing comment, say "That's so funny!" If it's so funny, then laugh, dickhead! Wouldn't it be quicker and easier to laugh than to say "that's so funny" with a straight face? These people deserve their own corner in hell, where the devil would spend hours rubbing hot chili peppers on the sensitive skin between their assholes and private parts.
Have you ever been with someone, seen something a little unusual and they had the audacity to say "Now I've seen everything." You fucking moron! I bet I can think of thousands of things you haven't seen. Have you seen a banana eat a monkey? Have you seen a human with the genitalia of an ant? Have you seen my foot kick you so hard in the balls that your mother feels it in her ovaries? I didn't think so...
4. Can deaf people be diagnosed with schizophrenia? I was wondering if deaf people can "hear" voices in their heads or if they can only picture a person signing in their head.
Ahhhhhh... Now I feel a little better. Just needed to get a few things off my chest.
posted by Lara at 10:08 AM
12 Comments:
quelques réactions
1.
je ne pense pas que Paris Hilton ait écrit cette chanson.
en fait je ne crois pas qu'elle sache lire ou écrire.
et c'est un fait: la plupart des grandes stars de la chanson ne sont ni auteurs de leurs textes, ni compositeurs de leurs musiques. surtout les femmes (désolé, mesdames). quelques exemples:
Mirelle Matthieu, Juliette Gréco, Nana Mouskouri, Barbara... le temps me manque pour en trouver d'autres. mais au moins les quatre femmes citées ont UNE VOIX!
et bien sûr il y en a une quantité d'autres qui ne savent ni écrire un texte, ni composer, et qui ne savent même pas chanter: Charlotte Gainsbourg, Jane Birkin, Mylène Farmer, Vanessa Paradis. ce ne sont que des objets sexuels, sans aucun talent. et je suis persuadé qu'elles ne savent même pas sucer une bite correctement.
Lara, TU AS TOUTES TES CHANCES!
si tu veux je t'écris la musique de ton premier album. sur lequel tu pourras même jouer du violon, après ton premier cours.
2.
il se peut même que cette femme ne se soit même pas rendu compte qu'un homme, une fois, lui avait mis la petite graine... ("oh chéri, mais qu'est ce que tu es en train de faire? - t'inquiète pas baby, c'est bientôt fini... continue seulement de lire ton Paris Match")
3. je pense que la personne qui te dit "ce que c'est drôle", en fait, ne trouve pas ça drôle du tout, mais par pure politesse te montre qu'il t'a écoutée, et bon "hahaa, sacrée Lara, quel humour, hem, brm, theuh theuh, voilà voilà, tiens, tu as vu le western à la télé hier soir?"
le gars qui te dit ça tu peux directement le traiter de lèche-cul. la prochaine fois que tu le croises, change de trottoir.
à part ça j'ai connu une fille qui m'a dit qu'un jour elle avait fait l'amour (ou "tenté de") avec un gars qui avait une bite de fourmi. je pense qu'elle exagérait. mais je pense qu'elle n'a finalement pas couché avec ce type.
4.
J'ai croisé un sourd au café du Midi ce matin. je lui ai posé la question et il m'a répondu "WOI? NU MEUX M'L'EGRIRE Z'IL NE MLAIT? HE HOMHBRENDS HIEN ZE GUE NU NIS"
I like it!
"Fish Have No Feet"
Written by Lara Liso
Produced by Xavier Moillen
All instruments Xavier Moillen/except violin solo by Lara Liso.
You've got to help me with the lyrics too, though. So far, all I've got is "Fish have no feet, so they can't walk, all they do is swim and they can't talk, lalalalala...."
wow! it's just, ar, fantastic!
quelle profondeur au niveau du sens, euh, profond, ça me touche juste, euh, profondément, c'est d'la balle, que ça va juste déchirer ta race, p'tain, wow, ça la fait à fond, j'trouve pas les mots, quoi, c'est trop pire cool, de dieu, je kiffe à donf, ok quand c'est qu'on enregistre ce tube planétaire... non, universel??? alors quand?
euh, je peux demander à ton frère pour le solo de guitare?
et est-ce qu'on pourrait remplacer "lalalalala....." par " I just need you to cum in my mouth" or something analogue?
(bicauze peut-être ça aide pour faire vendre...)
Dude, that would rock! But a really cool guitar solo, like a "Stairway to Heaven"! I've also come up with the chorus, it goes something like this:
"Slippery when wet! Slippery when wet!
I can only breathe underwaterrrrrrr!"
and really hold the "r" for a long time, during a huge drum solo.
I am available for three weeks in October... Are you game?
Instead of "I just need you to cum in my mouth", how about we keep with the fish motif and say, I don't know, mmmm.... "Tuna fish smells like pussy"
mouiii, ça me paraît très poétique, et ça rappelle tellement la véritable vraie vie vécue, ça pourrait dériver vers d'habiles comparaisons du genre bite / crevette avariée...
tu connais cette fameuse chanson des Monty Python "inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile"?
mmh peut-être qu'on doit pas faire trop intellectuel, finalement.
Yeah, I mean look at the success Paris is having...I just looked on ITunes, her song is one of the top 10 most downloaded songs!!!!!
The people in this country are fucking crazy.
In fact, if anything, we need to dumb it down even more.
et là, pour une fois, c'est pas seulement "in this country" que les gens sont fous. ici aussi.
ça te rassure? je pense que non. moi non plus.
ça ne m'empèchera pas de continuer à faire mon boulot avec conviction, et plaisir. malgré cette baleine de Paris Hilton.
on sait très bien, toi et moi, et quelques personnes que je connais, que la vraie vie n'est pas située à ce niveau, et qu'il est tout à fait possible de vivre complètement à côté de toutes ces conneries qui te pourrissent la tête. c'est facile: pas de télé! et quand tu lis les journaux, tourne vite les pages "sport" et "people"
Actually, if you really want to avoid all trash in a newspaper, you have to avoid the political page, the weather page (tornados and hurricanes piss me off), the obituary page, and finally, all you are left with is the comics page...and sometimes, I can't even read that.
I just thought of something. I will need to bring three sombreros for my violin lesson.
non non, juste un seul... j'ai un chapeau-melon et une casquette M-47, ça peut la faire. et ça prend moins de place (remember THE BOW...)
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